We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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