her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
