Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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