so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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