Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize