I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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