I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize