Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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