very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
