so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
