Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize