I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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