I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
