I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
