Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
