I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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