Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
