we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
