just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
