There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize