Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
