smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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