i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
