Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
