I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
