Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
