I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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