atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
