Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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