The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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