My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize