You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
