How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
