I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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