Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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