oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
