Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
