I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
