my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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