her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
