I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
