please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize