i just wanna soil my oats bro
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
