Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize