I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
