I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
