I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
