I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
