I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize