I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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