Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
