1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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