I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
