One girl and one boy is just not enough.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
