Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
