Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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