I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
