Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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