Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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