you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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