I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
