In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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