You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
