FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
