my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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