It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
