I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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