somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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