You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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