Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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