what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize