I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
