I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
