My friends, they love my intelligence
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
