everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
