I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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