I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
