My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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