I'm really into asian looking animals
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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