need another drink. this is the easiest way
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you.
Bad choice
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