I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
