I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
