OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize