mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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