Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize