I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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