I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
