ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
