Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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