and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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