like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
