marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
