he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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