apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
