census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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