real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
