I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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