I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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