Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
