Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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