He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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