you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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